A sign of the times....

Eugene and i had date night, spanning across 2 nights...
- We finally watched "Slum dog millionaire" which has been sitting in our computer for months now.
- We had to use head phones as the volume had to be turned down so low we had problems catching the conversations.
- We couldn't keep our eyes open for long so it had to be continued the next night.
Boy, are we getting old! But it was pretty good movie!

All grown up...

This little boy is embarking on a new adventure come 7th Jan 2010....he is finally off to preschool. Attended orientation last Friday, Zac was bewildered and wide eyed over all the new things he saw and all the new information we were feeding him about school and what happens in school. He was introduced to his new teacher, Mrs Yuck (Yap actually but he can't seem to get the "p" sound going) and new uniforms were collected.
However, I left the place feeling uneasy, over whether i was starting him too early and worrying if he will enjoy school, but most of all enjoy learning. Discovery, curiosity and wonderment are all so important for children at this age and Zac has truck loads of that at the moment, i definitely don't want to kill that.
After much prayer and deliberation we decided that Zac is ready for school...and if we are wrong...then we will just hold him back again. Let's pray that Mrs Yap will turn out to be a wonderful teacher, one that Zac will always remember fondly.
On a side note...Zac has been doing great with toilet training (which is a requirement from the school) so another sign that he is ready i suppose.
Am going to miss my little helper!

Kids 1, Mummy 0

Defeated...that sums up how i felt today!!! Nat was especially clingy and cranky and both refused to take their naps as they should be doing. Both still battling their flu bugs and Eugene and I trying our best to stay healthy.
At least i managed to get dinner on the table.
Sigh...

Just BEING with the kids...

If Zac and Nat could understand me....i would say "mummy's sorry"
I realised that of late i have been bogged down with all the chores i have to complete during the day and providing for their physical needs that i have somewhat forgot to just BE with them. I have forgotten to enjoy the priviledge i have to watch them grow and experience their wonderment at every little thing they discover each day. I have forgotten to just PLAY with them and do silly things together. I forget to sing silly rhymes and play silly games. I forget to smile and laugh my head off with them.
So what if the laundry piles up, or the sink piles up with dirty dishes or the food needs to be prepped....the secret moments of happiness that need to be shared with Zac and Nat cannot wait.

Nat has found her voice...

Yes this little girl has found her voice and she has been exercising her vocal cords diligently be it in the wee hours of the morning or in the wee hours of the night!! But it is not the sweet angelic cooing and ahhing that babies make....she has taken to grunting and growling. She alternates between the two, usually starting by grunting like a pig then if nobody pays her any attention she starts growling like a lion. Her big brother finds it particularly amusing and often adds to the din. I have yet to find the humour in this situation...often it drives me loony when they decide to BOTH grunt and growl in the car.

Driving Ms Natalie

Its amazing how tolerant Nat is with her brother, she practically allows him to do anything to her like, forcing her two chubby hands together (claims to be teaching her how to clap), squashing her tummy (claims to be giving his sister a hug), lying on her tummy, insisting on getting mei mei on his lap, smothering her with his whole head of hair when he gives her a kiss etc etc. She never fusses much or cries when gor gor does all this to her.
But now my angel baby, who sleeps well during the day and night and is pretty much contented most of the time has morphed into a cranky, fussy, and sleepless one!!! I blame it on the erupting teeth and sore gums!!!!! I want my angel baby back!!!

Mummy there's a monster under my bed...

Its amazing how many excuses Zac comes up with to DELAY having to actually sleep. Usually after reading the bible, praying, reading him some books, double checking if he has his big puppy and his small puppy and his mickey mouse and his 2 books and his pillow and his pacifier (embarrassingly he still needs this!), a kiss and a hug, turn on the music, turn off the lights, we close the door and hope for the best.
But evidently all that doesn't seem to be enough to keep him in his room and allow needful down time for Eugene and i. Now that he is very able to open ALL doors, he finds it a great display of independence to open his room door and saunter out to proclaim that....
- "There are ants on my bed"
- "The music is too loud"
- "I want the light off"
- "There is a spider coming down from my lights (which are not even on)"
- "I did a poop"
- "I need to wee"
- "smdieghtk" (Yup gibberish, desperate attempt)
_ " I don't like upstairs to be noisy"
- "There's thunder, i don't like it to rain"
- "I don't like the airplanes"
And the final exclaimation..." I cannot sleep"
And all this while we have to keep chasing him back to his room and reminding him to SLEEP ALREADY!!
Maybe we should move the door knobs higher!!!!!

Something about Zac

There is something about Zac that makes his little mei mei squeal in delight, waving her arms frantically and coo at the top of her voice..its most delightful to watch. There is also something about Natalie that makes her gor gor scream in frustration, whine for attention and wait in anticipation for her to give him that beaming smile that he has slowly grown to love. Truely amazing to watch this sibling relationship grow as they grow side by side and learn to love each other in a very unique way.
Yes we are still suriviving as time flies by us...Nat has just turned 4 months and Zac is well on his way to being 2.5 years (i have lost track of how many months he is...) There are good and bad moments and times when i just want to pull my hair out in frustration and exhaustion but at the end of the day when we have quiet moments as a family...i feel myself embracing this chaotic and hectic life we now have! I love my 2 little angels very much and i hope that they know that too...

Zac @ 26 mths and Natalie @ 2 mths

Help!

I seem to be drowning in never-ending piles of laundry both clean and dirty, a never-ending cycle of diaper changing (Put Nat's diaper on Zac's bum....toilet training needs to get started on Zac), plates and cups that keep appearing in my sink and conversations with Zac that never seem to end!!! OH yah...not forgetting a never-ending stream of spit-up milk from Natty. Does it ever ease up??

1 month and speeding on....

Natty is now 1 month old! Praise God for enabling us all to survive that one month. Instead of being freer i feel like my days are flying by with the amount of things that i have to get done during the day...its always something...something always needs to get done. At the end of the day i am so grateful when the 2 kids are in the beds...and i get to sit down and vegetate in front of the TV for a few minutes before my night "duty" starts.
By God's sustanance and strength i pull through each day...barely.
These days i wonder how i'm going to do it...but i am inspired by my friends who single handedly coped with 2 kids.

Finding myself

With God's grace, Natalie is in her 3rd week....and we will continue to need God's strength as we struggle through marathon feeding sessions during the night as she seem to be going through a growth spurt.
The lack of sleep has made me a very introspective and emotionally violatile mummy! But i think i have my emotions under control and i have more perspective about things this time round.
However i must admit that i have been strugglin in finding myself in this new role as a mother of 2...trying to find a balance between being a mum to Zac and being a mum to Natalie. At times it is very challenging...actually most of the time it is challenging not so much the physical and logistical aspect but the emotional one. When i see Zac urging me to spend some time with him to do things and i can't as i have to attend or feed Nat...i feel guilty...feel bad that i can't give him that attention that he wants. The same feelings surfaces with Natty too, although i think the repercussions on her is not as visible as Zac's reaction.
But i suppose i will continue feeling this way till i can convince myself that children are a lot more resilient than we think they are, and that there are alot of other loving care givers who are able to fill that gap for Zac at the moment.
Thinking about this has led me to realise how amazing God's love is for us...He gives us his undivided attention each day...and His is a PERFECT love to each and every one...amazing love.
One more week and i'm out of confinement...to more hectic days ahead!

Introducing Ms Ho...

We are surviving!

And yes...Natalie Ho Yi Xuan has arrived safe and sound....thank God for the quick birth and the perfect timing, i was not left stranded with Zac while i went into labour (as i had always dreamt of) so thank God for that!
Thought i should record my birth story...can't remember if i did this with Zac's delivery but writing and recounting the experience is good for my emotional health at the moment and to thank Him for all that He has seen us through!
Shall recount in point form...as my brain is not quite working at the moment due to sleep deprivation!
- Started having contractions on Friday night (15th May), had it through the night, Eugene and i started panicking thinking that this is IT, and we haven't even set up her room yet...a million things not done...no nappies, bags are ALMOST packed, Zac's overnight bag not packed etc. Started trying to settle these things in the middle of the night, thinking that i will go into labour soon.
- Contractions ceased by the morning. False alarm...apparantly...
- Saturday, went for usual gyna appointment...he said everything looks good, head is engaged but does not signify that i would go into labour soon...just means that i have saggy pelvic muscles! Convinced self that Natalie will not come so soon...maybe in a few weeks time..after all only in my 37th week.
- Sunday, went to church and convinced everybody that Natalie will prob only come in a few weeks time. Planned for the week and went to bed DEAD exhausted...
- Monday (18th may), my mum came to pick both Zac and i up to go over to her place for the day. Felt good...a bit pukey but overall OK.
- Took a short afternoon nap with Zac, couldn't find the energy to wake up from the nap.
- Was trying to entertain Zac in the afternoon when i started feeling contractions...didn't think much of it as i thought they were just strong braxton hicks (false contractions)
- Sat down for dinner...contractions started feeling a lot stronger and unbearable...got everybody worked up and panicky....called doula. (birth coach) She said to make our way to the hospital as i had a pretty fast birth with Zac too.
- Convinced self that this time its for real...wanted to take a bath but couldn't make it to the toilet without experiencing intense contractions.
- Said bye to Zac and explained as best as we could what was happening and what was going to happen...
- I must say that i was pretty calm compared to everybody else around me! Think i was running on adrenalin and was just happy that Natalie was coming out soon...
- Smooth and bearable ride to the hospital.
- Had to take temperature check and fill in forms at the hospital before they allowed us in (due to the H1N1 situaiton)...couldn't they see that i was in labour!!!!
- Able to walk to the labour ward.
- I remembered that a midwife even asked me to step on the weighing machine to take my weight!! Think i must have looked pretty ok, but was actually in much PAIN...
- Doula came...Eugene was asked to do admissions, he left the room!
- Everybody around me was hurrying to prepare the room and do STUFF...i was left ALONE!! Every contraction was OUCH!
- Every contraction was getting stronger and unbearable and the urge to push was getting stronger and STILL Eugene was stuck in admissions.
- Soon i was allowed to push...Eugene was paged back...he came in at the same time as my gyna...
- The rest...was...
- Natalie Ho came out screaming...mummy was relieved...daddy was relieved too...
That was as far as i could recall...i am sparing everybody from the really gory details...
Will post up some pictures of the little one and her brother soon...for the moment, i have to get back to my feeding duties...SIGH

Zac's 2nd year of life...

Have been meaning to put a post up for documentation sake but have been fighting off fatigue and swollen feet for the past week...so anyway here it is...
My little man is 2...we survived with God's grace and are now arming ourselves for year 3! We had a small gathering of sorts for all the little friends he has made and played with in one way or another and remembers them all fondly by name (usually in association with their mummies or where they stay!) I can never thank God enough for sustaining him and watching over him this past year...the number of stunts (often dangerous) he performs each day leaves much room for accidents to happen...or the number of times he eats with dirty hands leaves many germs to infect him...but God has allowed what is manageable to happen, giving us the strength and wisdom to deal with each situation when it happens.
He is learning and growing at an alarming rate...and we as parents are panting from the chase to keep up...but tiring and frustrating (at times) it may be we are savouring every minute of it and thank God for this little package of blessing that He has given us 2 years ago.

(Remnant cake that fell out of his mouth onto his chest...)

She is coming!

Zac giving mei mei a hug. I really wish i could read his mind and find out if he really understands what is coming?
Weeks are flying by...and the count down has started, roughly 4 more weeks till we are a family of 4. I am getting bigger, clumsier and getting more impatient to meet her. Think this time round, i am also alot more paranoid about labour and much more sensitive to cramps and i succumb to thoughts of "am i starting labour?" very frequently!! Also started having nightmares of being in the delivery room again...ignorance is truely bliss.
But at the same time, i am thankful and amazed at His providence and grace over this little one...and how He has sustained me throughout this pregnancy so far. Just praying for lots and lots of patience, strength and joy when i am faced with 2 cranky children!
We are almost there in terms of getting stuff ready for Natalie...just a few more things to prepare and of cos...we really need to start looking into packing that hospital bag...we didn't do so well the last time.
On another note...my little man is turning 2 soon too...was just looking at his first year birthday pictures (which were so well-taken by Shawn) and the memories of that first year warmed my heart and filled it with much thankfulness and joy...thank You God for this little package of joy that you have given to me. He has indeed grown and matured so much that it astounds me each day...

Tiredness

I realised today...that tiredness is a multi-dimensional word....i have felt physically, emotionally and mentally tired today...

Ouch!!

Think Natalie was learning to do cart wheels and somersaults today! OUCH!! And i was hoping that she will be a less active baby...
But then again, i thank God that she seem to be moving well...

7 months with Natalie

Yup...long overdue post. Am now in my 7th month and yes we have more or less decided on the name Natalie, a name which the 3 of us agree on (or can pronounce!)...now pondering on the chinese name, anybody any ideas??
Yesterday was also a significant day as we move our little man into his first big boy bed! (so that Natty can have his cot). And so Zac discovers the joys of growing independence....he now dictates when he sleeps! Initially Eugene had to "pretend" to sleep next to him on the mattress next to his bed...didn't quite work out as our dear boy pranced around his "sleeping" dad, pulling out all his books from his bookshelves, examined the cupboards and took down all his posters...after which he finally slept after about an hour and a half. Tonight...we explained to him that daddy doesn't need to pat or sleep with him anymore as he is a big boy...and only babies need to be pat. We also allowed him to bring one friend into bed with him...doggie, and explained that doggie wants to sleep with him on the bed and needs to be pat. He seemed to accept this feeble explanation quite willingly...and tonight he went to sleep on his own!! (we think...cos we just left him in his room and closed the door...don't hear any noises coming out from there so should be all clear!)
So....thank God it seems to be working out...2 more months of changes as we prepare for Natty...

Running commentary

That is how my days with Zac are like...i have a running commentary of everything that is going on around me! Zac...being very excited about his new found and growing vocabulary has decided that he needs to articulate everything that he sees or feels or touches or does! What he can't find the words for...he substitutes it with another word that sounds familiar and makes mummy guess till she gets it right! And i am obliged to repeat what he says as a form of affirmation that i understood what he was trying to say.
So after each day....i have a very dry mouth. But he has forced me to observe and appreciate the insignificant and realise that there are alot of blue taxis out there!

Perth...and a first for Zac

That is Zac waking up from his first airplane trip...we took a red eye flight so thank God that he slept most of the way there...although bed time for him that day was 2am! He was pretty in awe of the air plane in general and was excited to see it up close, we have been prepping him for some time now and he was all prepared to be IN the plane and not in stuck in the airport LOOKING at planes. He had a more enjoyable time on the trip back as he was awake and aware of his surroundings...brought a bag full of toys to keep him occupied. As the plane back was mosty empty he had his own seat too...
Overall the trip was pretty good...we wanted this trip to be the "last-one-before-baby-comes" and spend some time with Zac exploring a new territory together. And we truely thank God for opportunity cos it was really a blessed time with him...learnt so much more about our little boy and realising how much he has grown and the knowledge he has accumulated in his head...both good and bad!
Perth was really serene and peaceful and very child-friendly...many open spaces and beautiful parks which Zac absolutely loved. Brought him to a few tourisy places and introduced him to a few native animals also exposed him to various new experiences. It was particularly interesting to see how he reacted to new situations and especially being in a new country. After a few days he seem to welcome the new experiences with open arms maybe except the "sun-in-eyes" situations! He hated it when the sun shone into his eyes when we were in car, neither did he like to wear his sun glasses. So he whined and whined all the way till we reached our destinations! Not pleasant for all...
It was all good....and again we are grateful for the time and money spent! Now...we have a task at hand...to prep Zac on the impending arrival of his baby sister...

Of runny poop and puke...

Before i recount our trip to Perth....i must jot down the horrendous week we had when Zac had some sort of food poisoning!! This is his first time and i pray that it will remain as that for some time. Seeing him puke uncontrollably and watching the fear he had in his eyes when he saw what came out and how it felt was heart breaking! We had never had such broken sleep since Zac was 2 months old and i have never washed all his sheets and used up all his PJs in this way before!!! Also never changed so many runny poopy nappies in an hour before!!
Ok...feel much better getting it out of my system cos am so thankful that God took it away pretty fast but the memory of it still lingers. Just thanking God that it wasn't any more serious and he JUST managed to recover before we flew off to Perth.

Unwind

Zac is not the only one that enjoys his bath time...me too. Its the only time of the day when i can spend some time with my own thoughts and gather the scattered pieces of my sanity! Sometimes i'm so caught up with my thoughts that i wash my hair twice without realising or i leave the bath with a headful of hair conditioner. These days...am just feeling so drained, must be no. 2 demanding more from me too. By God's grace...
Oh ya...and Zac was right all along...he is going to have a mei mei. We always thought that he only knew how to pronounce mei mei (little sister) and not di di (little brother) , and that's why he was so insistant that he was going to have a mei mei. But now when we are certain that its a girl, he claims that we are having both a mei mei and di di!! Which ever way, we are thankful that mei mei is growing well...already she is getting a lack of attention...am not as attentive to what i consume each day, so was glad that she is thriving well anyway!