Something about Zac

There is something about Zac that makes his little mei mei squeal in delight, waving her arms frantically and coo at the top of her voice..its most delightful to watch. There is also something about Natalie that makes her gor gor scream in frustration, whine for attention and wait in anticipation for her to give him that beaming smile that he has slowly grown to love. Truely amazing to watch this sibling relationship grow as they grow side by side and learn to love each other in a very unique way.
Yes we are still suriviving as time flies by us...Nat has just turned 4 months and Zac is well on his way to being 2.5 years (i have lost track of how many months he is...) There are good and bad moments and times when i just want to pull my hair out in frustration and exhaustion but at the end of the day when we have quiet moments as a family...i feel myself embracing this chaotic and hectic life we now have! I love my 2 little angels very much and i hope that they know that too...

Zac @ 26 mths and Natalie @ 2 mths

Help!

I seem to be drowning in never-ending piles of laundry both clean and dirty, a never-ending cycle of diaper changing (Put Nat's diaper on Zac's bum....toilet training needs to get started on Zac), plates and cups that keep appearing in my sink and conversations with Zac that never seem to end!!! OH yah...not forgetting a never-ending stream of spit-up milk from Natty. Does it ever ease up??

1 month and speeding on....

Natty is now 1 month old! Praise God for enabling us all to survive that one month. Instead of being freer i feel like my days are flying by with the amount of things that i have to get done during the day...its always something...something always needs to get done. At the end of the day i am so grateful when the 2 kids are in the beds...and i get to sit down and vegetate in front of the TV for a few minutes before my night "duty" starts.
By God's sustanance and strength i pull through each day...barely.
These days i wonder how i'm going to do it...but i am inspired by my friends who single handedly coped with 2 kids.

Finding myself

With God's grace, Natalie is in her 3rd week....and we will continue to need God's strength as we struggle through marathon feeding sessions during the night as she seem to be going through a growth spurt.
The lack of sleep has made me a very introspective and emotionally violatile mummy! But i think i have my emotions under control and i have more perspective about things this time round.
However i must admit that i have been strugglin in finding myself in this new role as a mother of 2...trying to find a balance between being a mum to Zac and being a mum to Natalie. At times it is very challenging...actually most of the time it is challenging not so much the physical and logistical aspect but the emotional one. When i see Zac urging me to spend some time with him to do things and i can't as i have to attend or feed Nat...i feel guilty...feel bad that i can't give him that attention that he wants. The same feelings surfaces with Natty too, although i think the repercussions on her is not as visible as Zac's reaction.
But i suppose i will continue feeling this way till i can convince myself that children are a lot more resilient than we think they are, and that there are alot of other loving care givers who are able to fill that gap for Zac at the moment.
Thinking about this has led me to realise how amazing God's love is for us...He gives us his undivided attention each day...and His is a PERFECT love to each and every one...amazing love.
One more week and i'm out of confinement...to more hectic days ahead!

Introducing Ms Ho...

We are surviving!

And yes...Natalie Ho Yi Xuan has arrived safe and sound....thank God for the quick birth and the perfect timing, i was not left stranded with Zac while i went into labour (as i had always dreamt of) so thank God for that!
Thought i should record my birth story...can't remember if i did this with Zac's delivery but writing and recounting the experience is good for my emotional health at the moment and to thank Him for all that He has seen us through!
Shall recount in point form...as my brain is not quite working at the moment due to sleep deprivation!
- Started having contractions on Friday night (15th May), had it through the night, Eugene and i started panicking thinking that this is IT, and we haven't even set up her room yet...a million things not done...no nappies, bags are ALMOST packed, Zac's overnight bag not packed etc. Started trying to settle these things in the middle of the night, thinking that i will go into labour soon.
- Contractions ceased by the morning. False alarm...apparantly...
- Saturday, went for usual gyna appointment...he said everything looks good, head is engaged but does not signify that i would go into labour soon...just means that i have saggy pelvic muscles! Convinced self that Natalie will not come so soon...maybe in a few weeks time..after all only in my 37th week.
- Sunday, went to church and convinced everybody that Natalie will prob only come in a few weeks time. Planned for the week and went to bed DEAD exhausted...
- Monday (18th may), my mum came to pick both Zac and i up to go over to her place for the day. Felt good...a bit pukey but overall OK.
- Took a short afternoon nap with Zac, couldn't find the energy to wake up from the nap.
- Was trying to entertain Zac in the afternoon when i started feeling contractions...didn't think much of it as i thought they were just strong braxton hicks (false contractions)
- Sat down for dinner...contractions started feeling a lot stronger and unbearable...got everybody worked up and panicky....called doula. (birth coach) She said to make our way to the hospital as i had a pretty fast birth with Zac too.
- Convinced self that this time its for real...wanted to take a bath but couldn't make it to the toilet without experiencing intense contractions.
- Said bye to Zac and explained as best as we could what was happening and what was going to happen...
- I must say that i was pretty calm compared to everybody else around me! Think i was running on adrenalin and was just happy that Natalie was coming out soon...
- Smooth and bearable ride to the hospital.
- Had to take temperature check and fill in forms at the hospital before they allowed us in (due to the H1N1 situaiton)...couldn't they see that i was in labour!!!!
- Able to walk to the labour ward.
- I remembered that a midwife even asked me to step on the weighing machine to take my weight!! Think i must have looked pretty ok, but was actually in much PAIN...
- Doula came...Eugene was asked to do admissions, he left the room!
- Everybody around me was hurrying to prepare the room and do STUFF...i was left ALONE!! Every contraction was OUCH!
- Every contraction was getting stronger and unbearable and the urge to push was getting stronger and STILL Eugene was stuck in admissions.
- Soon i was allowed to push...Eugene was paged back...he came in at the same time as my gyna...
- The rest...was...
- Natalie Ho came out screaming...mummy was relieved...daddy was relieved too...
That was as far as i could recall...i am sparing everybody from the really gory details...
Will post up some pictures of the little one and her brother soon...for the moment, i have to get back to my feeding duties...SIGH