A road frequently travelled

And we finally have take off....

2010-03-31T22:26:00.004+08:00

It has been some time.....
Nat's desire to crawl has finally outweighed her laziness to move her bottom...finally after 10 months she decides that now is the time to crawl!! We were almost expecting her to skip this stage altogether as our gentle encouragements to crawl were often met with cries of protest, she was often more willing to sit or move around on her tummy.
We have also spotted 2 front teeth emerging...again finally...but we were not too surprised as Zac also teethed late.
And so my little girl is slowly but surely growing up...and she is turning 1 in two months!!!
Now that Nat is alot more vocal and mobile, the sibling relationship has to be renegotiated. And there are days where Zac just goes berserk with wanting to do silly (often hurtful) thing to his sister, while Nat wails the house down in the process. Help! Just when i thought i had figured out how to juggle the very different needs of an almost-3-year-old and an almost-1-year-old now i have to deal with this very consuming issue! My goal now is to encourage greater mutual love for each other hence the photograph!

We are still here!

2010-02-07T21:50:00.002+08:00

With God's grace we are still alive and kicking! It has been a tough month of January for us but things are starting to settle down alot more.
Zac has finally decided to stop the water works every morning when i drop him off to school...he seems to be pretty happy to go now. From the bits and pieces of information i get from him each day on our ride back home, i am starting to piece together what he actually does in school and what he enjoys doing. He has also been role playing scenes from school when he is at home so at the moment, he is Mrs Yap (his teacher), i am Mrs Tan (an assistant teacher) and Nat is Zheng lao shi (his chinese teacher, who happens to be slightly chubby like Natty too!)
Nat is blossoming (literally and figuratively)...she is alot more vocal (read: LOURD) and no longer satisfied with just sitting and watching, she wants in on the action around the house now. Good for her but BAD for mummy...
Eugene...still dragging himself off to work each morning and trying to fill his spare time with meaningful "daddy time" with the kids...
As for me....some days i feel like one of those pet mouse who runs on the spinning wheel continuously, physically and mentally drained but seemingly going nowhere? Does that sentence even make sense? Hard to describe how i feel, but at the end of the day i do still feel like i am at the right place and doing the right thing at this point of my life. This mouse just needs lots of caffeine and chocolate to get through the day....

A new start...

2010-01-07T22:15:00.003+08:00

2009 came and went...2010 arrived...wanted to mention something in here but time flew away from me...I just praise and thank God for all that He has seen me through in 2009, giving me a very supportive husband and 2 beautiful children...
Today Zac went to school...the first of many firsts that he will be experiencing as he starts his journey through this labyrinth of education here in Singapore. I thought i would be more eager for him to start...seeing how that would free me from one child so that i have more time to spend with Nat...but i started having weird pangs of emotions building up throughout the week. Think i was a lot more anxious than he was.
He did well today...my brave boy...he held back his tears, held back his desire to ask to go home (although nearing the end of the school day, he did ask his teachers to let him go home!)...he must have held back his urges to go to the toilet to relieve himself as he came home with damp underpants...i thank God for watching over him today.
But i can see and sense that he had a lot going on in his mind today...not himself, and i just wished that i could read his mind and comfort and assure him. But i know he is in good hands...for Someone much higher knows what he needs.
Apart from that...i am BONE TIRED! And to add to that Eugene will be away on reservist for 2 whole weeks!!!! SIGH!!! Bad timing, now i have to explain to my little boy (who is already grappling with school) that he won't see his daddy for awhile as he as to go to the army to fulfill his national duties!!! SIGH!!! At the moment i am not a big fan of the government...

A sign of the times....

2009-11-28T22:00:00.003+08:00

Eugene and i had date night, spanning across 2 nights...
- We finally watched "Slum dog millionaire" which has been sitting in our computer for months now.
- We had to use head phones as the volume had to be turned down so low we had problems catching the conversations.
- We couldn't keep our eyes open for long so it had to be continued the next night.
Boy, are we getting old! But it was pretty good movie!

All grown up...

2009-11-24T22:08:00.003+08:00

This little boy is embarking on a new adventure come 7th Jan 2010....he is finally off to preschool. Attended orientation last Friday, Zac was bewildered and wide eyed over all the new things he saw and all the new information we were feeding him about school and what happens in school. He was introduced to his new teacher, Mrs Yuck (Yap actually but he can't seem to get the "p" sound going) and new uniforms were collected.
However, I left the place feeling uneasy, over whether i was starting him too early and worrying if he will enjoy school, but most of all enjoy learning. Discovery, curiosity and wonderment are all so important for children at this age and Zac has truck loads of that at the moment, i definitely don't want to kill that.
After much prayer and deliberation we decided that Zac is ready for school...and if we are wrong...then we will just hold him back again. Let's pray that Mrs Yap will turn out to be a wonderful teacher, one that Zac will always remember fondly.
On a side note...Zac has been doing great with toilet training (which is a requirement from the school) so another sign that he is ready i suppose.
Am going to miss my little helper!

Kids 1, Mummy 0

2009-11-17T22:08:00.002+08:00

Defeated...that sums up how i felt today!!! Nat was especially clingy and cranky and both refused to take their naps as they should be doing. Both still battling their flu bugs and Eugene and I trying our best to stay healthy.
At least i managed to get dinner on the table.
Sigh...

Just BEING with the kids...

2009-11-11T22:10:00.004+08:00

If Zac and Nat could understand me....i would say "mummy's sorry"
I realised that of late i have been bogged down with all the chores i have to complete during the day and providing for their physical needs that i have somewhat forgot to just BE with them. I have forgotten to enjoy the priviledge i have to watch them grow and experience their wonderment at every little thing they discover each day. I have forgotten to just PLAY with them and do silly things together. I forget to sing silly rhymes and play silly games. I forget to smile and laugh my head off with them.
So what if the laundry piles up, or the sink piles up with dirty dishes or the food needs to be prepped....the secret moments of happiness that need to be shared with Zac and Nat cannot wait.

Nat has found her voice...

2009-11-06T22:16:00.003+08:00

Yes this little girl has found her voice and she has been exercising her vocal cords diligently be it in the wee hours of the morning or in the wee hours of the night!! But it is not the sweet angelic cooing and ahhing that babies make....she has taken to grunting and growling. She alternates between the two, usually starting by grunting like a pig then if nobody pays her any attention she starts growling like a lion. Her big brother finds it particularly amusing and often adds to the din. I have yet to find the humour in this situation...often it drives me loony when they decide to BOTH grunt and growl in the car.

Driving Ms Natalie

2009-10-22T22:15:00.002+08:00

Its amazing how tolerant Nat is with her brother, she practically allows him to do anything to her like, forcing her two chubby hands together (claims to be teaching her how to clap), squashing her tummy (claims to be giving his sister a hug), lying on her tummy, insisting on getting mei mei on his lap, smothering her with his whole head of hair when he gives her a kiss etc etc. She never fusses much or cries when gor gor does all this to her.
But now my angel baby, who sleeps well during the day and night and is pretty much contented most of the time has morphed into a cranky, fussy, and sleepless one!!! I blame it on the erupting teeth and sore gums!!!!! I want my angel baby back!!!

Mummy there's a monster under my bed...

2009-10-18T21:42:00.002+08:00

Its amazing how many excuses Zac comes up with to DELAY having to actually sleep. Usually after reading the bible, praying, reading him some books, double checking if he has his big puppy and his small puppy and his mickey mouse and his 2 books and his pillow and his pacifier (embarrassingly he still needs this!), a kiss and a hug, turn on the music, turn off the lights, we close the door and hope for the best.
But evidently all that doesn't seem to be enough to keep him in his room and allow needful down time for Eugene and i. Now that he is very able to open ALL doors, he finds it a great display of independence to open his room door and saunter out to proclaim that....
- "There are ants on my bed"
- "The music is too loud"
- "I want the light off"
- "There is a spider coming down from my lights (which are not even on)"
- "I did a poop"
- "I need to wee"
- "smdieghtk" (Yup gibberish, desperate attempt)
_ " I don't like upstairs to be noisy"
- "There's thunder, i don't like it to rain"
- "I don't like the airplanes"
And the final exclaimation..." I cannot sleep"
And all this while we have to keep chasing him back to his room and reminding him to SLEEP ALREADY!!
Maybe we should move the door knobs higher!!!!!

Something about Zac

2009-09-23T22:20:00.003+08:00

There is something about Zac that makes his little mei mei squeal in delight, waving her arms frantically and coo at the top of her voice..its most delightful to watch. There is also something about Natalie that makes her gor gor scream in frustration, whine for attention and wait in anticipation for her to give him that beaming smile that he has slowly grown to love. Truely amazing to watch this sibling relationship grow as they grow side by side and learn to love each other in a very unique way.
Yes we are still suriviving as time flies by us...Nat has just turned 4 months and Zac is well on his way to being 2.5 years (i have lost track of how many months he is...) There are good and bad moments and times when i just want to pull my hair out in frustration and exhaustion but at the end of the day when we have quiet moments as a family...i feel myself embracing this chaotic and hectic life we now have! I love my 2 little angels very much and i hope that they know that too...

Zac @ 26 mths and Natalie @ 2 mths

2009-07-07T22:54:00.002+08:00

Help!

2009-07-07T22:51:00.002+08:00

I seem to be drowning in never-ending piles of laundry both clean and dirty, a never-ending cycle of diaper changing (Put Nat's diaper on Zac's bum....toilet training needs to get started on Zac), plates and cups that keep appearing in my sink and conversations with Zac that never seem to end!!! OH yah...not forgetting a never-ending stream of spit-up milk from Natty. Does it ever ease up??

1 month and speeding on....

2009-06-22T17:03:00.002+08:00

Natty is now 1 month old! Praise God for enabling us all to survive that one month. Instead of being freer i feel like my days are flying by with the amount of things that i have to get done during the day...its always something...something always needs to get done. At the end of the day i am so grateful when the 2 kids are in the beds...and i get to sit down and vegetate in front of the TV for a few minutes before my night "duty" starts.
By God's sustanance and strength i pull through each day...barely.
These days i wonder how i'm going to do it...but i am inspired by my friends who single handedly coped with 2 kids.

Finding myself

2009-06-05T11:00:00.003+08:00

With God's grace, Natalie is in her 3rd week....and we will continue to need God's strength as we struggle through marathon feeding sessions during the night as she seem to be going through a growth spurt.
The lack of sleep has made me a very introspective and emotionally violatile mummy! But i think i have my emotions under control and i have more perspective about things this time round.
However i must admit that i have been strugglin in finding myself in this new role as a mother of 2...trying to find a balance between being a mum to Zac and being a mum to Natalie. At times it is very challenging...actually most of the time it is challenging not so much the physical and logistical aspect but the emotional one. When i see Zac urging me to spend some time with him to do things and i can't as i have to attend or feed Nat...i feel guilty...feel bad that i can't give him that attention that he wants. The same feelings surfaces with Natty too, although i think the repercussions on her is not as visible as Zac's reaction.
But i suppose i will continue feeling this way till i can convince myself that children are a lot more resilient than we think they are, and that there are alot of other loving care givers who are able to fill that gap for Zac at the moment.
Thinking about this has led me to realise how amazing God's love is for us...He gives us his undivided attention each day...and His is a PERFECT love to each and every one...amazing love.
One more week and i'm out of confinement...to more hectic days ahead!

Introducing Ms Ho...

2009-06-01T15:48:00.001+08:00

We are surviving!

2009-05-31T18:03:00.007+08:00

And yes...Natalie Ho Yi Xuan has arrived safe and sound....thank God for the quick birth and the perfect timing, i was not left stranded with Zac while i went into labour (as i had always dreamt of) so thank God for that!
Thought i should record my birth story...can't remember if i did this with Zac's delivery but writing and recounting the experience is good for my emotional health at the moment and to thank Him for all that He has seen us through!
Shall recount in point form...as my brain is not quite working at the moment due to sleep deprivation!
- Started having contractions on Friday night (15th May), had it through the night, Eugene and i started panicking thinking that this is IT, and we haven't even set up her room yet...a million things not done...no nappies, bags are ALMOST packed, Zac's overnight bag not packed etc. Started trying to settle these things in the middle of the night, thinking that i will go into labour soon.
- Contractions ceased by the morning. False alarm...apparantly...
- Saturday, went for usual gyna appointment...he said everything looks good, head is engaged but does not signify that i would go into labour soon...just means that i have saggy pelvic muscles! Convinced self that Natalie will not come so soon...maybe in a few weeks time..after all only in my 37th week.
- Sunday, went to church and convinced everybody that Natalie will prob only come in a few weeks time. Planned for the week and went to bed DEAD exhausted...
- Monday (18th may), my mum came to pick both Zac and i up to go over to her place for the day. Felt good...a bit pukey but overall OK.
- Took a short afternoon nap with Zac, couldn't find the energy to wake up from the nap.
- Was trying to entertain Zac in the afternoon when i started feeling contractions...didn't think much of it as i thought they were just strong braxton hicks (false contractions)
- Sat down for dinner...contractions started feeling a lot stronger and unbearable...got everybody worked up and panicky....called doula. (birth coach) She said to make our way to the hospital as i had a pretty fast birth with Zac too.
- Convinced self that this time its for real...wanted to take a bath but couldn't make it to the toilet without experiencing intense contractions.
- Said bye to Zac and explained as best as we could what was happening and what was going to happen...
- I must say that i was pretty calm compared to everybody else around me! Think i was running on adrenalin and was just happy that Natalie was coming out soon...
- Smooth and bearable ride to the hospital.
- Had to take temperature check and fill in forms at the hospital before they allowed us in (due to the H1N1 situaiton)...couldn't they see that i was in labour!!!!
- Able to walk to the labour ward.
- I remembered that a midwife even asked me to step on the weighing machine to take my weight!! Think i must have looked pretty ok, but was actually in much PAIN...
- Doula came...Eugene was asked to do admissions, he left the room!
- Everybody around me was hurrying to prepare the room and do STUFF...i was left ALONE!! Every contraction was OUCH!
- Every contraction was getting stronger and unbearable and the urge to push was getting stronger and STILL Eugene was stuck in admissions.
- Soon i was allowed to push...Eugene was paged back...he came in at the same time as my gyna...
- The rest...was...
- Natalie Ho came out screaming...mummy was relieved...daddy was relieved too...
That was as far as i could recall...i am sparing everybody from the really gory details...
Will post up some pictures of the little one and her brother soon...for the moment, i have to get back to my feeding duties...SIGH

Zac's 2nd year of life...

2009-05-17T21:24:00.006+08:00

Have been meaning to put a post up for documentation sake but have been fighting off fatigue and swollen feet for the past week...so anyway here it is...
My little man is 2...we survived with God's grace and are now arming ourselves for year 3! We had a small gathering of sorts for all the little friends he has made and played with in one way or another and remembers them all fondly by name (usually in association with their mummies or where they stay!) I can never thank God enough for sustaining him and watching over him this past year...the number of stunts (often dangerous) he performs each day leaves much room for accidents to happen...or the number of times he eats with dirty hands leaves many germs to infect him...but God has allowed what is manageable to happen, giving us the strength and wisdom to deal with each situation when it happens.
He is learning and growing at an alarming rate...and we as parents are panting from the chase to keep up...but tiring and frustrating (at times) it may be we are savouring every minute of it and thank God for this little package of blessing that He has given us 2 years ago.

(Remnant cake that fell out of his mouth onto his chest...)

She is coming!

2009-04-25T21:56:00.005+08:00

Zac giving mei mei a hug. I really wish i could read his mind and find out if he really understands what is coming?
Weeks are flying by...and the count down has started, roughly 4 more weeks till we are a family of 4. I am getting bigger, clumsier and getting more impatient to meet her. Think this time round, i am also alot more paranoid about labour and much more sensitive to cramps and i succumb to thoughts of "am i starting labour?" very frequently!! Also started having nightmares of being in the delivery room again...ignorance is truely bliss.
But at the same time, i am thankful and amazed at His providence and grace over this little one...and how He has sustained me throughout this pregnancy so far. Just praying for lots and lots of patience, strength and joy when i am faced with 2 cranky children!
We are almost there in terms of getting stuff ready for Natalie...just a few more things to prepare and of cos...we really need to start looking into packing that hospital bag...we didn't do so well the last time.
On another note...my little man is turning 2 soon too...was just looking at his first year birthday pictures (which were so well-taken by Shawn) and the memories of that first year warmed my heart and filled it with much thankfulness and joy...thank You God for this little package of joy that you have given to me. He has indeed grown and matured so much that it astounds me each day...

Tiredness

2009-03-16T22:00:00.001+08:00

I realised today...that tiredness is a multi-dimensional word....i have felt physically, emotionally and mentally tired today...

Ouch!!

2009-03-12T22:35:00.001+08:00

Think Natalie was learning to do cart wheels and somersaults today! OUCH!! And i was hoping that she will be a less active baby...
But then again, i thank God that she seem to be moving well...

7 months with Natalie

2009-03-09T21:36:00.003+08:00

Yup...long overdue post. Am now in my 7th month and yes we have more or less decided on the name Natalie, a name which the 3 of us agree on (or can pronounce!)...now pondering on the chinese name, anybody any ideas??
Yesterday was also a significant day as we move our little man into his first big boy bed! (so that Natty can have his cot). And so Zac discovers the joys of growing independence....he now dictates when he sleeps! Initially Eugene had to "pretend" to sleep next to him on the mattress next to his bed...didn't quite work out as our dear boy pranced around his "sleeping" dad, pulling out all his books from his bookshelves, examined the cupboards and took down all his posters...after which he finally slept after about an hour and a half. Tonight...we explained to him that daddy doesn't need to pat or sleep with him anymore as he is a big boy...and only babies need to be pat. We also allowed him to bring one friend into bed with him...doggie, and explained that doggie wants to sleep with him on the bed and needs to be pat. He seemed to accept this feeble explanation quite willingly...and tonight he went to sleep on his own!! (we think...cos we just left him in his room and closed the door...don't hear any noises coming out from there so should be all clear!)
So....thank God it seems to be working out...2 more months of changes as we prepare for Natty...

Running commentary

2009-02-05T22:05:00.002+08:00

That is how my days with Zac are like...i have a running commentary of everything that is going on around me! Zac...being very excited about his new found and growing vocabulary has decided that he needs to articulate everything that he sees or feels or touches or does! What he can't find the words for...he substitutes it with another word that sounds familiar and makes mummy guess till she gets it right! And i am obliged to repeat what he says as a form of affirmation that i understood what he was trying to say.
So after each day....i have a very dry mouth. But he has forced me to observe and appreciate the insignificant and realise that there are alot of blue taxis out there!

Perth...and a first for Zac

2009-02-01T22:07:00.005+08:00

That is Zac waking up from his first airplane trip...we took a red eye flight so thank God that he slept most of the way there...although bed time for him that day was 2am! He was pretty in awe of the air plane in general and was excited to see it up close, we have been prepping him for some time now and he was all prepared to be IN the plane and not in stuck in the airport LOOKING at planes. He had a more enjoyable time on the trip back as he was awake and aware of his surroundings...brought a bag full of toys to keep him occupied. As the plane back was mosty empty he had his own seat too...
Overall the trip was pretty good...we wanted this trip to be the "last-one-before-baby-comes" and spend some time with Zac exploring a new territory together. And we truely thank God for opportunity cos it was really a blessed time with him...learnt so much more about our little boy and realising how much he has grown and the knowledge he has accumulated in his head...both good and bad!
Perth was really serene and peaceful and very child-friendly...many open spaces and beautiful parks which Zac absolutely loved. Brought him to a few tourisy places and introduced him to a few native animals also exposed him to various new experiences. It was particularly interesting to see how he reacted to new situations and especially being in a new country. After a few days he seem to welcome the new experiences with open arms maybe except the "sun-in-eyes" situations! He hated it when the sun shone into his eyes when we were in car, neither did he like to wear his sun glasses. So he whined and whined all the way till we reached our destinations! Not pleasant for all...
It was all good....and again we are grateful for the time and money spent! Now...we have a task at hand...to prep Zac on the impending arrival of his baby sister...

Of runny poop and puke...

2009-02-01T22:00:00.002+08:00

Before i recount our trip to Perth....i must jot down the horrendous week we had when Zac had some sort of food poisoning!! This is his first time and i pray that it will remain as that for some time. Seeing him puke uncontrollably and watching the fear he had in his eyes when he saw what came out and how it felt was heart breaking! We had never had such broken sleep since Zac was 2 months old and i have never washed all his sheets and used up all his PJs in this way before!!! Also never changed so many runny poopy nappies in an hour before!!
Ok...feel much better getting it out of my system cos am so thankful that God took it away pretty fast but the memory of it still lingers. Just thanking God that it wasn't any more serious and he JUST managed to recover before we flew off to Perth.

Unwind

2009-01-16T22:09:00.002+08:00

Zac is not the only one that enjoys his bath time...me too. Its the only time of the day when i can spend some time with my own thoughts and gather the scattered pieces of my sanity! Sometimes i'm so caught up with my thoughts that i wash my hair twice without realising or i leave the bath with a headful of hair conditioner. These days...am just feeling so drained, must be no. 2 demanding more from me too. By God's grace...
Oh ya...and Zac was right all along...he is going to have a mei mei. We always thought that he only knew how to pronounce mei mei (little sister) and not di di (little brother) , and that's why he was so insistant that he was going to have a mei mei. But now when we are certain that its a girl, he claims that we are having both a mei mei and di di!! Which ever way, we are thankful that mei mei is growing well...already she is getting a lack of attention...am not as attentive to what i consume each day, so was glad that she is thriving well anyway!

Outwit...Outlast...Outplay

2008-12-11T22:13:00.001+08:00

The game Zac and i play each day...somehow i think he has mastered it.

Drill master...

2008-12-11T22:06:00.003+08:00

We now have a drill sergeant at home....he's head does not even reach pass our waist but his commands and orders are quick and sharp. At times you have no choice but to succumb to his wishes. Yes am talking about my son. Ever since he managed to master a few important words, he has been making his requests known...loud and clear and what he can't find English words for he makes it up with gibberish (which we are expected to understand too cos he gets irritated when we don't!)
Each day...it has been....marmee/dadeee pick up, sit, come, up, call (for when he wants to play with the phone), take out, Zac Zac eat, Zac Zac see, outside etc etc...
Its hard to ignore certain commands as we don't want to be too permissive but its a tough call cos we are trying to encourage him to use his words to ask for what he wants instead of throwing a tantrum or crying!

A bullet train

2008-12-04T14:16:00.002+08:00

Have been feeling like a bullet train these few weeks or months...like i'm speeding through life not stopping at stations to refuel and recharge and zooming through life not being able to appreciate my surroundings or what is happening around me. Have been so caught up with mothering and coping with everyday chores and things that i think i've neglected many other parts of life.
Think i need to put on the brakes soon...before i forget where i'm heading to! And to friends whom i've neglected to catch up with...i'm sorry! THAT will have to change...

Marmeeee

2008-11-28T22:14:00.002+08:00

Lately (actually about a month ago), Zac has taken a general liking to yelling out for me...be it out of necessity, urgency or just plain boredom. Initially, he couldn't get it right...so i was mama for quite sometime, then one day...it was marmeeee. Sometimes, its so pleasant sounding and sweet, other times i hear his urgency for shouting out marmee, and also there are other times where is plain infuriating, especially when its marmee this and marmee that and only MARMEE!!
But i guess, in his world, i am the only one who qualifies to be his marmeeee!!!

My very curious son...

2008-11-24T22:17:00.002+08:00

My son has a few very curious habits that are oh-so-zachary...thought i should write about them so that i can laugh over them when i have trying days with him!
- He has taken to wearing his still-too-big-sandals-which-are-kept-in-his-cupboard-till-he-grows-into-them around the house. Every morning after breakfast, he will ask me to help him put them on. Even though he trips on them frequently, he will still insist that i put them on for him.
- He has an obsession with EGGS! He has learnt that E-G-G starts with the alphabet E, every time he spots a letter E...he shouts out EGGS in glee! And if he so happens to spy some eggs on the dinner table that's all he will have! Same thing with RICE!
- Zac enjoys walking around the house while holding two objects in his hands...and the two objects have to be the same items, for eg, 2 play spoons, 2 play forks, 2 cars, 2 play EGGS, 2 books etc etc. If he can't find something similar for the other hand, he will find something else that comes in a pair!
- He finds it essential to cross his legs when he is seated in the car-seat. If you un-cross them, he will cross them back.
That's the list for now...quite sure it will grow the more he grows! I wonder what goes on in his little mind....

We are expanding...

2008-11-17T22:07:00.002+08:00

Just a photo to update on how we look like now! Seeing that i have not blogged for ions! And the reason for not doing so is....YES we are expanding our little clan...no. 2 is on his/her way! Officially passed the 12 week mark, so am sighing a sigh of relief! But the erratic morning sickness and the exhaustion has not let up yet. SIGH
A bit sooner than expected but i guess God feels that its time for Zac to share his mummy and daddy with someone else!
We are both excited and eager to welcome no. 2 into our family but i am still kind of overwhelmed by the prospect of keeping my sanity with 2 kids!! Zac has just turned 18 months so he is at his prime in terms of misbehaving, testing limits, being cheeky and bouncing off the walls with extreme energy at times...so that probably contributes to my apprehensiveness of mothering TWO! But i know with each challenge God's grace is doubled...
Zac, i think, has no idea what's ahead...but when i ask him where the baby is...he now knows that its in mummy's tummy, but quite soon after that he will also point to his tummy, so hmmm...not too sure if he knows what is going on at all.
Exciting times ahead...

Today was one of those days...

2008-09-16T22:09:00.003+08:00

....where i feel like running away to a secluded island and screaming my lungs out!!
Zac has been very very temperamental today...very very clingy and just a absolute challenge! He yells and screams every time i leave him and step into the kitchen, actually he really hates it when i have to cook dinners or lunches...he will stand at the gate (a child-proof gate leading to the kitchen) and cry his eyes out. I have tried explaining to him why i have to be in there....doesn't work. I have tried indulging him by playing with him for awhile hoping that he will be satisfied and leave me to cook his meals...it doesn't work. I have tried bringing out my pots and pans to encourage him to imitate me hoping that he will be distracted by that...it works but only for 2 minutes! I have tried ignoring him....but i feel my blood boil with each screaming episode.
Today was extra bad, was already kind of behind in getting dinner started, and i know that i have to get it ready for Zac or he will be really impatient with hunger. SIGH
Days like this that i don't even dare to entertain the idea of having a second one and i really wonder how mothers-of-more-than-one-kid manage???
Days like these really make me feel so helpless...Lord give me the strength and peace of mind.

Something is amiss

2008-08-29T14:01:00.002+08:00

Hazy...think that's the word to describe how i'm feeling these days...feel like there is something amiss in my life, and even then i am not too sure if i absolutely feel that way!
I am enjoying being a full time mother to Zac and most days i relish the time spent with him, give and take the terrible moments or days that we have. But when all is quiet (that only occurs during his afternoon nap!) i feel like i am missing something or like there are some parts of my life that has not felt any closure. I feel hazy...
Do i want to take up a part time job? What do i really want to pursue? Maybe i am happy where i am but the world prompts me to think otherwise. Sigh...Eugene thinks that i should take a mini retreat to clear the haze, even when i talk to him about it i am hazy...
Lord...blow a breeze of fresh air to clear the haze.

The 3 boys in the cry-room

2008-08-28T22:31:00.003+08:00

The 3 fathers with their sons...went to visit Ben, Eleanor and little Ethan a few weeks back, and it so happened that the 3 fathers were carrying their sons...picture-perfect opportunity.

Our relationship grows

2008-07-28T22:33:00.003+08:00

Its been sometime since i wrote about my little man...well, in about a week's time he will be a 15 month old!
Eversince we moved...think he has grown up quite a bit, a few reasons why i say that...he is now sleeping in his own room, he does not need me to pat or hold him to sleep anymore as he would rather do it himself, he is getting more chatty and wanting to relate and understand me too, he is often deep in thought in the car instead of whining and screaming, he is wanting to walk on his own, he is wanting to make decisions on his own and he seems to understand alot more than i give him credit for. He is growing and i have never been so aware of it till now.
I give thanks to Him for giving me the opportunity to witness this each day...i just pray that i don't get too swamped by housework and cooking that i forget to spend time with this little man of mine. Remember i use to DREAD meal times...surprisingly these are treasured times now, cos its these times when we have chats while we eat...just me and my boy.

Absence

2008-07-23T22:24:00.001+08:00

It has been some time...cos we have been busy finding furniture, tiles, choosing bathroom stuff, deciding on paint colours, pondering over fixtures, packing, cleaning, unpacking and more cleaning....finally by God's grace we are now in our own home. Our very first home...so now we are also so very much in debt!
It has been a few very tiring days...but after each night when i drag myself to bed...i am thankful and happy that we are now in our own place.
Zac has been trying his best to adapt and adjust to this new place...AND also sleeping in his own room. I must say that he did well...a few cries in the night but overall he slept well. He seems quite happy with his room and is always eager to go into it, especially to ransack all the drawers!!
Very tired now...will jot down more when i have more energy!!

I refuse to be fed and i refuse to sleep through the night but mummy and daddy still loves me...i hope!

2008-06-25T22:04:00.002+08:00

Yes...we still love him.
Zac has decided one fine day that he no longer wants to be fed but to feed himself. We used to be able to let him feed himself with some finger food (like boiled brocolli, carrots, cereal etc) while i shove his porridge down as quick as possible! But 2 days back...he absolutely refused to open his mouth and just wanted to pick up the food on his own to feed himself. When i insisted in feeding him and appeared not to know what he wanted he threw a huge tantrum...the kind that i've never seen before! After battling a few more meals with him, we surrendered and decided that indeed he just wants to be independent and feed himself. I guess no reason to get all worked up about it. Sigh...just when i was getting proficient in planning, cooking and feeding him his meals, everything has changed again!
So now i have to think finger-foods...i have to crack my brains to think of all his meals in terms of "finger-food" form! Means no more porridge!! Everything needs to be held!! That means...soft rice, boiled carrots, peas, brocolli, meat and fish (that can be held), eggs (to be held) URGH!!! When is it going to get easier!! I regretted the day i said that i can't wait for him to eat solids! Thank God that after a few days of frustration and VERY MESSY meals...think we have settled into an understanding of some form...
THe NEXT thing...
He used to be able to sleep through the night pretty well...wakes up at 6am for a quick drink and then falls back to sleep till about 730. BUT the last few nights has been HORRENDOUS...last night was the worst...waking up every hour to cry...after stuffing the dummy into his mouth he would sleep for a few hours before the same thing happens again! It better just be his teething issues, cos i read that this usually happens during teething...cos gums are itching and hurting. Only 1 tooth is very visible...he has lots more to go!! SIGH
Fortunately the good bits during the day makes up for all the bad ones...

Houston...we have made contact!

2008-06-10T22:34:00.002+08:00

Zac has decided that he can't turn 13 months without any teeth...so he has summoned one! Yeah! Finally...we don't have to start wondering if late teething is normal! Now hopefully the emergence of the phantom teeth don't cause him too much grieve!

Ho residence...

2008-06-09T15:00:00.003+08:00

Its getting there...we have been checking the place a few times each week and willing the renovations to progress quicker! So far so good...prob cos we didn't really do extensive-knock-down-walls kind of renos...with God's grace it should be done by the end of this month. Hopefully able to move in by the end of next month...And by then we can finally put Zac in his own room! Yeah...no more sneaking around in the room and trying to ignore him (by pretending to be busy reading) while he tries to put himself to sleep!
Now have to settle the soft furnishings for our place...anybody have good lobang (bargains) for curtains and blinds?

Status update on Zac's teeth

2008-05-30T14:30:00.000+08:00

Update...still trying to locate teeth or tooth!!!!!

Leaving him behind...

2008-05-23T14:38:00.003+08:00

Feeling ill-equipped to face the toddler years...we signed ourselves up for a short parenting seminar lasting 2 days at the Singapore Bible College. It starts tonight and ends tomorrow afternoon. So taking this opportunity to fulfill my parent's "desire" to have Zachary stay with them for a sleep over...we are leaving Mr mini Ho with his tata and nei nei (we decided to embrace our Hakka roots...Hakka for grandpa and grandma) tonight.
Feeling abit nervous about how he will treat them! And strangely felt abit lost just thinking about it...but of cos it is a very welcomed break! The first time he stayed with them...it went quite well...so they shouldn't have any problems...technically speaking!

I want to touch too!

2008-05-21T22:28:00.002+08:00

Our supermarket experiences used to be pretty relaxing and fun...i get to buy what i want to buy in peace, with Zac strapped to the baby carrier and Zac contentedly taking in all the sights and sounds with a running commentary by moi!
But these days...it is no longer PEACEFUL!!
Firstly...i can no longer strap him into the carrier...he is too big for it, feel bad squashing him in..although it is so so convenient as it gives me hands-free shopping! So now i have to trick him into the pram...why trick, cos our Mr all-grown-up hates being in the pram these days!! He wants to either be carried or get down to "walk".
Secondly...he wants to touch EVERYTHING!! When i am choosing cereals or stuff...he wants to hold it or demands to be entertained. If i am choosing vegetables or fruits, he wants to be in the know and wants to touch it too!! URGH! If i refuse to let him have it...he screams in anguish! SIGH
Thirdly...it doesn't help that supermarket queues seem to be getting longer and longer...and nobody is sympathetic to a mother with a whiney kid in a pram!
And lastly...of cos when i take my wallet to pay up and press the buttons on the ATM machine...Mr want-to-be-involved-in-everything wants a piece of the action too!
And oh yah...it doesn't end there...there is another big struggle and cajoling when i have to strap him in his car seat. Eversince he turned one...this great need of independence is rearing its ugly head!
Yup...my days are never "boring".

We are now heading towards toddlerhood!

2008-05-12T15:20:00.003+08:00

Celebrated Zac's first year on earth over the weekend. Lots of last minute preparation as we were pretty complacent about the details! But essentially we were glad to have loved ones with us on that day...and most importantly i think Zac had a bit TOO much fun!

But as i looked at him that day crawling round the cafe...my heart filled with much love and thankfulness toward the Almighty for blessing us with this little one...so now i am a mother of a 1 year old! Facing the toddler years are going to be challenging...but i thank God for the support and guidance that He has given me through the various people He has placed in my life.

The beautifully taken photograph was taken by a good friend, Shawn. We requested for his services for that day...so if anybody is interested to "hire" him you know who to ask!

Mothering...

2008-05-08T14:05:00.003+08:00

"Hot mama"...a headline splashed on the urban section of the newspapers today...hard to miss. An article about weigth lost and how 4 mums managed to look trim and beautiful while handling a baby and a career at the same time...yummy mummies. What a joke...its idealism like this that makes a mockery of what everyday mummies go through each day. Not only do we manage to keep ourselves sane and at the same time ensure that the household is functioning well...we are also expected to look fabulous at the same time!! Is that humanly possible? But i believe that God made us that way...having the ability to cope with mothering...
So to all my mummy friends out there...i take my hat off to all of you...indeed we share a unique journey that only another mother can understand...hang in there and give yourself a little treat each day! You are doing a great job in getting through each day! Blessed Mother's day in advance.

I am a BIG boy now

2008-05-05T14:12:00.002+08:00

Lets just say that i think my boy decided to grow up over the weekend!
Evidence...
- He refuses to be fed by me now...more interested in using his hands to put food into his mouth...so now i have to rethink his meals again and make them more "finger-friendly". Have tried stuffing a spoonful of his meal into his mouth while he opens his mouth to finger-feed himself...after trying that a few times, Zac realised that he has been tricked and won't let me do that a second time! When did he get so smart?? Meal times were disastrous and highly stressful...think i acquired some strands of white hair over the weekend. It also doesn't help that when we were out...others around us kept giving us dirty looks when Zac screamed in protest...i mean...we were trying our best so cut us some slack please!SIGH
- He wants to be put down everytime we carry him. He dislikes being strapped into his pram now...always screams in protest.
- He doesn't like to be put down for naps...we gave up last night and just plonked him in his bed on his own. He kept tossing and turning till he got really tired and then he relented and allowed us to pat him to sleep...by that time it was 1030pm already...there goes "me" time in the evenings...SIGH
- He makes his desires known...when his mind is all set to do something he gets agitated when stopped or when we don't understand what he wants.
- He wants to decide for himself what he wants to have for meals...yesterday he survived on bread and toasties (toasted oat cereal that he loves!).
- He is now able to call mama and dada!!
- When he utters something...he looks at me increduously when i don't understand him.
- He went for his first "professional" hair cut....and i think they cut his "innocent-baby" days away too..boo hoo...
But all this is part of growing up...i guess its time for mummy to "grow" too...maybe i have to treat my little boy as a toddler now. Just when i thought i was getting the hang of things...

My rashy boy and a very tiring few days

2008-04-28T14:28:00.002+08:00

All was going well and smoothly...till a few days back when Zac developed a fever. Characteristic of first-time parents we rushed him to the doctors the very day and came away with some panadol for him. The next day he was still feeling feverish but seem to be very much himself still..no change in apetite and no other symptoms so we left him with my mum's while we met up with our interior designer (yes..we are finally doing the house up..would probably be liveable by the end of June..yay!) But when we picked him up his fever was still pretty high...started getting worried so we brought him to the docs again...this time had to a go the a 24hr clinic in TMC...doc said that its probably a throat infection as his throat seems a bit red...gave us antibiotics and more panadol and told us to monitor his fever diligently...so we were up every 4 hours stuffing the thermometer into the arm pits of a crying Zac and feeding a sleeping baby panadol!!
The next day, he started developing rashes...sigh! So off to the docs we went again...this time the doc ordered a blood test to be done so as to be conclusive as to what he was suffering from. First time getting blood out of Zac and it was not a pretty experience! Results came back and his platelet count was a bit on the low side, doc was not sure if its due to the virus he was fighting or something more sinister. Doc concluded that its probably a viral rash but he said to come back for another blood test in a few days time if rashes get worse. Well...rashes started spreading...so we just came back from another blood test (again was not a pretty experience!).
Really thank God that it was nothing...platelet count has gone back to normal...so it is concluded that he is having a viral rash...not contagious and not itchy.
I found out alot about myself as a mother from this few very tiring days....i thank God for a supportive husband and Zac has a fantastic daddy....and i realised that i make a very jittery and anxious mother. Need to learn to leave it in His hands and to accept that He is in control of all things. Cos' think there will be a lot more of such episodes in future...
Am praying that we don't have to take any blood out of Zac for some time more...

No no

2008-04-22T14:16:00.002+08:00

Zac has mastered the art of shaking his head in a respond to the command NO! Now every time he sees me frown at him or mention his name sternly...he would shake his head vigorously. Now am trying to teach him to nod his head!
2 more weeks...and wee little one is no longer too little....1 year ago...time flies at the same time time stands still. Know what i mean?

Me and my cage!

2008-04-12T11:30:00.003+08:00

Seeing that Zac is so very mobile now...we decided to buy a non-confining play pen. Instead of a small area...he is now able to crawl around and play in a bigger area within limits of cos. We call it "The Cage"

My 2 boys...

2008-04-12T10:46:00.002+08:00

Took this picture last week...and realised how much my little man has grown..just love this picture of father and son!

And another one...

2008-04-11T14:29:00.002+08:00

And then there was Ernest...now there are 5 of us! Awaiting arrival of number 6...Congrats Veron and Jeff! Can't wait to take a nice picture of all 6 of them...so Lijun you better come back in December.

A few signs that Zac is growing up!

2008-04-02T14:37:00.002+08:00

- He is starting to understand the word "No" or "Stop". In the past, he would just carry on carrying out the dirty deed but now...he looks at me cheekily then carries out the dirty deed.
- He is responding verbally when i ask him questions and tries to join in conversations i have with other people.
- I no longer have to puree his food to death...although he has no teeth yet, he is able to chew on much lumpier food. That is a great relief to me...saves me having to use the blender (more washing!)
- He can now reach for objects which we used to think were too hard for him to reach out to grab!
- He is now able to choose which books he wants to read.
- He is starting to "tell" us what he wants...either verbally or non-verbally.
- He is now able to drink from his sippy cup without drenching his top with water.
- He might need to start wearing shoes now...as he is always wanting to be put down onto the floor to stand when we are out.
- He is starting to hold "conversations" with other babies.
- He now recognises familiar people.
- He is starting to imitate actions really well and understand instructions alot better.
- We now have to start buying a whole batch of larger-sized clothes.
- We no longer can stuff him into his back-facing car seat.

Give the kid a break

2008-04-01T15:00:00.002+08:00

I think i expect too much from Zac...lately i've been complaining alot...about how his day time naps are so erratic, about how he has been waking up during the night, about how he wakes up far too early, about how he fusses to be let down onto the floor when we are out, about etc etc.
But today...God reminded me that...he is only a 10.5 month old baby, and i should give him a break! Sorry Zac...mummy has been too overwhelmed by the little things and failed to look at the bigger picture...you!
And i thank God again...for giving me you!
Can't believe that he will be turning one soon...but in the little things he does i am starting to see my little boy maturing each day...may my wisdom as a mother mature each day too....

15 mins

2008-03-26T14:17:00.001+08:00

Zac could only keep himself asleep for 15 mins this morning...so after another 15 mins of me trying in vain to get him back to napping...i gave up. Decided that maybe we should do something different this morning...wanted to attempt to spend some leisurely time at Coffee bean...had images of me sipping coffee and flipping through a mag leisurely, while Zac occupies himself in his high chair.
WRONG image...the total time we ended up spending in coffee bean....15 mins!

We could but we don't

2008-03-26T14:05:00.002+08:00

For all who have been asking how the boy is doing...thank God he is alot better and we seem to have bade the cough "bye bye". It's amazing how much guilt i felt whenever i heard him cough, but i realised that such things are out of my hands and i thank God for good health eversince. Such things cannot be taken for granted.
Think we kind of have our nap thing sorted out. Now...Zac would only sleep for the most 45 mins in the morning...and konk out after lunch around 2...he usually (hopefully i don't jinx it by putting this down!) sleeps for about 2 hours...so he is up again by 4!! That means alot more entertainment is needed!!! I have been so wiped out by the end of the day. But thank God...he is sleeping slightly earlier in the night too...knocks out by 9.30...BUT has been waking up at 5 these few mornings. So you can imagine...we are very tired! We will try to delay his "official" waking till at least 6.
I guess i could go to bed earlier...now that he is sleeping earlier...but i don't. I am so unwilling to succumb to my sleep....i treasure my "me" time too much...that's the only time where i can do whatever i want...read...watch TV...write...surf...vegetate...too treasured. So i plough on with 6 hours sleep! Sigh...and still no sign of those pearly whites in Zac's mouth!!!

Throwing in the towel...

2008-03-19T17:41:00.002+08:00

Today is one of those days when i really felt like throwing in the towel. But is that possible? NO...cos there is no towel to throw! Unfortunately this towel is attached to me....sigh
Zac and i have been in and out of the doctor's clinic about 4 times these past few days...Zac has a cough...went to see the doctor yesterday...after taking medication, noticed spots on his leg very much like insect bites...but lots. Got worried sent him back to the doctors again in the evening thinking that it might be an allergic reaction to the medication. Doctor said it is just bites and he has extra sensitive skin that reacts to these particular bites.
Me...my skin had a violent reaction to some weird mosquito that has biten me...cream was given from the doc...but still didn't help...went back to the doc today...more cream and washes...SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH

But i really want to!

2008-03-11T14:56:00.003+08:00

Zachary is starting to show his desire to do things on his own and to have his way over certain things....very challenging...i feel the pressure to be consistant in how i discipline him and how i react when he acts up.
Just yesterday we had a little episode in the bedroom...there is a long wire cord kind of dangling near his cot...it leads to a plug head so we have no choice but to let it dangle there and try to move the curtains in the vain attempt to hide it from him. Eversince Zac could pull himself up he has been eyeing that wire cord for some time...and occassionally (when we are not looking) pull at it with glee! Yesterday we caught him doing it and told him firmly that "he cannot touch it as it is dangerous and its not for little children to play with". Before we could even say "cannot..." he was already pulling it with wild abandonment! Sigh! We told him firmly again that he is not to touch it and it makes us very upset when he does that...he looked at us for awhile and started pulling at it again. In a final attempt...i just said "NO! Stop pulling at the wire cord!" He looked at me and started crying. I stood there and watched him like a hawk...every time i see his hand moving towards the cord...i said firmly "NO!"...he looks at me, cries and stares longingly at the cord. Until...he finally gave up...but that was not for another few minutes and Eugene had to physically carry him away.
It was actually quite funny watching him...stare longingly at the wire cord and crying...it was as if he really really wanted to tug at it but he knows that he is forbidden from doing that.
So...what i learnt is....sometimes "NO!" seems to work better than long explanations...maybe not at this age...and he would only listen after he calms down and is physically moved from the area of temptation.
This incident and many other little incidents have made me think alot about disciplinary issues...and Eugene and i have decided that we need to talk about this further so as to be consistent when we react to Zac....and i thought the first few months were hard!

Phew...i am exhuasted from the weekend

2008-03-03T16:12:00.002+08:00

We had a jam-packed weekend...it was all about Zachary! Started on Thursday night...
- Woke up suddenly...cried and cried and cried, refusing to be consoled...cried till he threw up all over daddy and even spewed onto me! Got kind of worried after that...cos he has never thrown up that badly before and i had no idea why he was crying so hard. AFter that....he kept waking up every 15 mins till around 4 am...he slept till around 6...woke up for his milk and slept on for another hour. Both Eugene and i were totally bushed!! Eugene was tired i was worried...so we went to the doctor to get him checked out. Found out that there is nothing wrong with him....might have been wind.
- Saturday...went to get his vaccinations done...doctor warned that he might catch a fever...he was pretty fine the whole of Saturday...except that he refused to take any naps that day!! only 1 nap in the morning...so i was tired out...but managed to escape for a little while by myself...needed it.
- Sunday...went to church...realised that he was heating up...came home early to get some panadol and food into him. It was EXTREMELY hard to get panadol into him!! When finally he did...it was also EXTREMELY hard to get him to nap...you would think that he was tired from being feverish....SIGH
Its monday today...i'm feeling the tiredness but guess what...Zachary is as perky as ever!!!

Nan-ten....

2008-02-17T22:12:00.002+08:00

I am beaming with joy...i think my little Zac has uttered his 2 purposeful words...
Nan-ten (lantern...he has been obssessed with the lanterns that have been hanging in the void deck, every time we walk pass them he looks up in awe at them, when we ask him where they are...he is quick to look in their direction).
And da-da (initially we weren't sure if he is calling out to Eugene but after a few occurences...we concluded that he is!! Sigh...no mama in the works yet!!)
It all occurred over this weekend...will continue to test out these new developments...to make doubly sure that he is really referring to those objects...or maybe i'm just jumping the gun??

me time...

2008-02-17T22:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i just need time to myself...to do things on my own...to surf the web aimlessly, to veg out infront of the TV for awhile, to take a nice long bath, to jot some thoughts down on my journal, to flip through magazines, to spend some time with the Almighty...and these few precious minutes are either in the morning (while Zac takes a fitful nap) or at night after i put him to bed, praying hard that he doesn't stir till the sun comes out (no actually that's too early...an hour after the sun rises would be good!). These moments are always savoured cautiously...in anticipation that the little boy would wake up suddenly from his nap!
I realised that these times are so precious to me...that when i don't get it (when Zac starts to fuss...or something else happens) i get very cross!! Suddenly i become very protective of that "me" time. Lord...help me to be generous with my time...and grant me lots and lots of PATIENCE!!

My little China man...

2008-02-16T10:18:00.005+08:00

One for the album...with cousins Jared and Ethan...outfit from yeye and nai nai and hat from granduncle Laurence

With yeye and nai nai

9 months and wearing red...

2008-02-11T16:50:00.000+08:00

Phew...am glad that CNY is over...it has been such a necessary disruption for Zac and for me!! But it was good visiting friends and family...of which it was the first time many of them were being acquainted with Zac. He was brilliantly well behaved and happy at times but there were OTHER times when he was OTHERWISE. But he got the hang of receiving ang baos pretty quick! Will post a picture of him in a china man outfit when i get hold of that picture.
Zac is now 9 months...its time for me to sit and think of all that this little man has achieved...so that i'll be encouraged to push on during his VERY DIFFICULT times!!
- He is now able to crawl pretty efficiently...
- He is a leaking tap! He drools constantly and abundantly!! WHERE are those teeth??
- He is able to pull himself up and is constantly practising his new skill. And of cos he choses to practise on the wobbliest of chairs! He is now officially a walking hazard!
- In one weekend...we had to lower his cot to the bottom (which makes changing him a back breaking feat) and changed his back facing car seat to front facing...which he absolutely LOVES. My little man is growing up!!
- He is now more adventurous with food...more interested in trying what we are eating than his own food at times.
- He says da da di di quite discriminately now...still trying to figure out if he knows who he is calling. And mumbles some other indiscriminate sounds too. No sign of "ma ma" yet! Not fair!
- He is more receptive of other newer books now...he used to want me to read the same few favourite books before.
- He is able to recognise familiar faces alot quicker now...slowly warming up to strangers.
- He is not content to SIT in his bath tub now...he wants to STAND and touch everything around him.
- He loves water...first swimming experience was quite pleasant...yet to bring him again.
- He still hates to wear shoes!
- Oh yah...and he is able to clap on demand! Recognises a few words...like lights, lanterns and mirror.

9 months...and counting...

How time flies

2008-01-29T09:00:00.000+08:00

These were friends i grew up with...and now they are carrying my son!

Che che Charis

2008-01-27T22:04:00.000+08:00

Have been meaning to post this for sometime....

On a rainy Sat afternoon...after racking my brains for something to entertain Zac while i spend some time on the world wide web...decided to show Zac videos of Charis...and this was his reaction! Took a video of him smiling and chuckling at Charis (will post that when i figure out how to)...che che Charis....you really make Zac smile!

Please don't break it!

2008-01-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

Found this online company that rents toys for a fee....rented this for Zac (Leap frog learn and groove). He enjoys figuring out all the little buttons that need to be pressed to bring on the music and lights and of cos he has a good time banging and pulling everything. Hoping that he doesn't destroy any part of it!

Words, the MRT, no sleep and great news...

2008-01-23T17:17:00.000+08:00

Zac has started mouthing some almost decipherable word-like sounds....we had a totally unexpected conversation today...
(while breastfeeding him)
Me: Zac, do you want anymore milk
Zac: Nut! (said very matter-of-factly!)
He has also been muttering da da da...na na na...ah na and ah da....still no sign or ma ma! My little boy is growing up...
Zac experienced another first today...my sis and i brought him to a little ride on the MRT. As Eugene does not drive to work...we usually get the luxury of travelling around in the car...but today decided to brave the crowds on public transport with the pram and all! Zac had a blast looking around and watching the crowd around him. Was trying to explain to him that he is in a train...but unfortunately this train doesn't go choo choo!
Zac has been TERRIBLE with his naps and sleep in general...his morning and afternoon naps are getting shorter by the day and it is sometimes a TORTURE for me to put him to bed! He falls asleep pretty well during the night but has been waking up periodically during the night....i suspect he might be teething (yup...no sign of teeth yet!!) I hope he is teething...so that i know this stage will PASS!!
Also just found out that my ex-room mate (during uni days) is with child!! So happy for her but she is so so far away!! Come back soon!
And that ends my mish mash post!

8 months!

2008-01-14T16:31:00.000+08:00

Thought i better jot down a few of his highlights this past month...before he turns 9 months old!
- He has perfected a cheeky smile for occassions when he feels cheeky.
- He has ventured on his fours! Yes...he can crawl now...although he is a bit hesitant to crawl on the hard floor...too pain for his precious knees.
- He responds when talked to...with various sounds...or sometimes he just gives his cheeky grin.
- He is able to recognise familiar faces and welcomes them with a big smile.
- People are able to now discern that he is a boy...we used to get a few random strangers who ask us if he is a boy or girl?
- He is getting increasingly "sticky" to Eugene and i...esp when strangers want to carry him.
- He is able to pull out his dummy and has been trying to put it back into his mouth.
- He is now eating fish and various vegetables and fruits...yet to try chicken.
- He is now able to successfully pull out his socks!
- His poops are now resembling ours...oops think that was an overshare!
- He has now outgrown all his 6 month old clothes.
- He hates wearing shoes...he will try his very best to kick them off.
- He is able to recognise faces on photos.
- We think he is able to recognise and point to the objects...lights, Christmas tree, fan and tunnel.
- He has an obsession with velcro.
- He officially hates sleep!! or naps!!
- He still does not have any teeth!!! When are they coming cos his gums are giving him much grief!!!

Yup...and onto other updates..
We are finally getting the keys to our new place!! Yeah...finally...after being a nomad for almost 5 years now. We really have to decide what we want in our new place and work out our budget!

Why can't he just sleep???

2008-01-07T16:54:00.000+08:00

Am feeling so so frustrated with Zac at the moment!! He has been fighting his day time naps alot lately! I could be patting him for a good 20 mins...and just when i think he's sound asleep, i put him down....his eyes open and he is up on all fours inspecting the place!!! AM so irritated...i could be patting him and putting him down for an hour and finally he is asleep...and what happens after 30 mins...he is up again!!!!!! URGH!!! I truely need a lot of patience...

Where we are...

2008-01-03T08:31:00.000+08:00

This picture (taken by Shawn) aptly sums up where we are so far....leaving 2007 and looking towards 2008.
Me (on the left)...a new mummy, still trying to get the hang of being a mother, wife, sister and daughter. 2007 was a steep learning curve for me...but with God's grace and love each day...it was bearable. Am feeling very blessed indeed to have such a wonderful addition to my life and am thankful for a very supportive husband. Deciding to stay at home and be a full time mummy is a decision that i will definitely not regret...but its also one that is met with many ups and downs along the way. Am also very thankful for very supportive extended families, for my parents and sister and also Eugene's parents, all contributing to easing my burdens of being a new mum.
Zachary (in the middle)....very satisfied little boy. Showered with much love....trying to get his head around this world and how things work around him. Testing limits and boundaries. Warming people's hearts around him with his wide grin. Very much loved by his daddy and mummy.
Eugene (on the right)...an amazing dad. Always spends as much time he as with his dear son...and of cos his wife too! A good start on his journey of fatherhood....and also learning to juggle the different roles that are demanded of him.
Yup...that's where the Ho family stands at the end of 2007 and we eagerly look forward to 2008.

Recount before its too late...

2007-12-27T11:09:00.000+08:00

Thought i better recount what we have been up to...before i forget...
Church Camp...
It was a lot better than i expected...in terms of how Zachary adjusted to his new surrounding and sleeping in a strange place. Although i was spiritually refreshed and challenged...i still felt physically tired...eventhough we were on holiday, still had to get up at 6.30 to feed him! And after lugging everything there we had to lug everything back too! The logistics of it all...
But Zach got more than his fair share of kisses and hugs from the aunties in church, he was pretty good with being passed around, until one night he decided that he needed more masculine attention...he cried and cried till he was safely back in his daddy's arms!
Christmas...
First Christmas for Zach...he was fascinated by the presents he got...not so much what was inside but more of the wrappings, ribbons and tags that came with it. Should have just gotten him a whole roll of ribbons to play with! When i look at him and reminise of my pregnant state...my heart fills with much joy and peace...i can only imagine how heart wrenching God must have felt when He had to give Jesus up to die on the cross for us. As a parent i am quite sure that i would never even consider that option!
The year that is leaving us...2007
So MUCH has happened to the Ho family this year...the move back...welcoming Zachary...settling down in Singapore...being a mother and coping with that...buying a flat. I feel exhausted just thinking of it...but i feel great thankfulness for the many times He stayed close to me when i was feeling alone, overwhelmed or underwhelmed. Thank You Lord...
I must say that i look towards 2008 with much excitement...
Updates on Zachary...
Realise that he will be turning 8 months in about a weeks time....
- He is starting to move his legs when in the crawling position...but he still finds it more efficient to use his head-crawl movement to get to places.
- He can sit up unassisted for long periods of time now.
- He is able to recognise and "ask" for daddy and mummy now. He recognises familiar faces and is increasingly weary of strangers.
- We still struggle with solids at times...lunch times are the worst!! Breakfast and dinner are fine...will labour on!!
- Responds with singular sounds when talked to.
- Can get out of his rocker!! Not impressed...he actually fell out of his rocker! So now we are getting a play pen for times when i have to leave him alone.
- Sits up in his car seat...wanting to look outside...so i think will have to use the other bigger car seat soon...

Got it!

2007-12-15T11:19:00.000+08:00

After queueing at the Singapore Immigration building for the third time...we finally collected Zachary's passport. Cutting it close as we will be crossing the borders this Sunday!! Zachary was not too impressed...as he was woken up from his morning slumber...the officers have to see his face to verify that he is the one in the passport picture!

7 months

2007-12-11T17:12:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i feel like i move 1 step forward....and the next moment i seem to be sliding 2 steps back...
However, i do thank God for bringing Zachary and us a whole month forward! Indeed it is reassuring to know that His grace is new every morning...i definitely need it every morning!
New tricks he has acquired...some i am pleased with...some i rather he not know!
- Blowing raspberries ever so often...i am not too impressed with that skill during meal times! It seems like the more i tell him off...the harder he blows...sigh
- Able to get on all fours...can move backwards but can't move forwards, just rocks his body back and forth...as if dying to get somewhere but something is holding him back. I have demonstrated the crawling action....still in working progress.
- Meal times...able to eat a greater variety of foods...but can be very trying to feed him when he is not in the mood to cooperate! Went to weigh him today...didn't put on much weight, although the doc did say that there is nothing to worry as he seems to be healthy and alert. Need to bfeed him more often though. Why Zachary can't you learn from your daddy...more food is good!
- Responds candidly when we talk to him....deliberately...and not randomly nor does he babble anymore.
- Reaches for things out of his reach.
- Grabs everything in sight...not impressed with this skill when i'm holding him and eating at the same time.
- Loves banging on the piano.
- Able to bear his own weight when held upright...although he rather jump than stand still.

Another month has past....and i'm still learning to be a MOTHER....it is a road frequently travelled by many women out there...but not often noticed or encouraged. I salute all mothers...especially new mothers who plough on each day!!

How he has grown

2007-12-08T14:13:00.000+08:00

Was looking through all the photos we have taken of Zachary...and it amazes me to realise how much he has grown...

From this (@1 month)

To this (@ 6 months)

Just the 2 of us

2007-12-05T08:40:00.000+08:00

Eugene has been away for reservist (for those who don't know what that means...army refresher training that the Singapore government issues for those below 40 years), he will be away the whole of this week. So Zach and i have moved back to my mum's place to ease the load of not having Eugene around to help out. My dad is also away on a business trip this week...so it was all in good timing...as we could accompany my mum too. That leaves Zach to be the man of the house!
So far so good...he has been a very patient and understanding boy, sleeping well at night (always cross my fingers when i proclaim that...hoping not to jinx it by saying it!)...and generally being very understanding. But we definitely miss the 3rd member of our little family...its like having one arm less. However i did have a moment of "feeling totally incompetent" yesterday...when Zach refused to take his afternoon nap...leaving me feeling totally frustrated with him and myself.
I just realised that Zach will be turning 7 months next week...another month has passed us by...will blog more about that later...

Captured

2007-11-27T08:20:00.000+08:00

Zachary will be crossing the borders of Singapore for the first time in a few weeks time...we will be attending a church camp in Johore (Malaysia) for a few days in December. In order for him to successfully do that...we needed to get a passport for our dear boy. The application processing part was easy...capturing a decent head shot of him was not!

Laughing out loud!

2007-11-20T09:12:00.000+08:00

Zachary has started laughing out loud...full bodied, body shaking laughs. It is a joy to see and hear him do that. But you must be pretty funny to make him laugh like that! Will try to figure if i can post videos on this blog....

What were u thinking of Zachary?

2007-11-20T08:53:00.001+08:00

Recently, Zachary has taken to sucking his dummy in this manner...with the lower half of the dummy in his mouth. When i tried taking it out to re-align it, give him a few minutes and its back to its orginial position. This cheeky boy of mine!

6 months and counting

2007-11-13T15:16:00.001+08:00

He turned 6 whole months last week...and i guess its good for me to take stock after each month...
- Zach is alot more cooperative now that he is slightly older...but he still has his cranky days and his day naps are getting shorter and shorter! Not good!
- He is ever willing to smile and chuckle at anyone...trying to entice them to play with him or carry him. But he does reserve his sweetest smile for moi!
- Still plodging along with his solids. He is still not too keen on sweet potato although i have pureed it and am still trying hard to find organic fruits and vegetables for him. That means sacrificing the freedom to go on shopping sprees as organic stuff is NOT cheap! Probably going to give up this quest for all things organic soon...quite impossible to find a variety of fruits here. Seem to be losing interest in his milk though. Have been pumping after every feed, trying to keep the milk supply up! Such a battle...
- He is displaying a insatiable amount of energy nowadays...need to sign him up for gymboree or go for swimming lessons soon. Need to use all that energy up or i'll go crazy.
- The only thing he will sit still for is story time. Other than that...even the TV doesn't quite keep him still. I dread to think of the time when he can crawl, walk and jump!
- He is able to sit on his own for some time now...without toppling over.
- He is drooling ALOT!!
- He has lost interest in his hands..now the feet.
- He is using his vocal cords alot more...the sounds he make sound like complaints.
- He is curious and distracted by everything around him. That makes breast feeding quite impossible at times!!

Thank God for the past 6 months...am still learning and perserving through the hard times.

A mind-boggling habit!

2007-11-05T16:54:00.000+08:00

Recently...Zach has taken to smacking his own head! While breastfeeding him, he seem to enjoy using his palm to smack his forehead! We suspect that he likes the sound it makes...cos he is now into smacking anything and everything in sight...our shoulders when we carry him, our thighs when we sit him on our laps, our faces when we carry him, his car seat when he is on it, his high chair when he is on it and the table when we its in sight. I wonder what goes on in his little mind!

Mummy...i don't like sweet potato

2007-11-01T12:40:00.000+08:00

Just when i thought this whole experience of trying new foods on Zach is going so well...he decided that he doesn't like the taste of sweet potato and throws it all up! After all that effort of boiling the sweet potato..mashing it with a fork...pressing it through a sieve, and digging it out of the ice trays after it has been frozen to be stored in plastic containers!
I am determined to try again...maybe when he is in a better mood. I am very reluctant to let the effort go to waste!!!

I know my boy is growing up when...

2007-10-29T08:14:00.000+08:00

- He gulps down his rice cereal, pear and carrots. Although he gulps down the pear more willingly than the other 2!

- He realises that he can bring his hands together to imitate us when we clap our hands!

- He is able to sit by himself without toppling over...although the desire to bring his hands to his mouth is so great sometimes that he bends right down to bring his mouth to his hands.

- He uses his hands to heave his upper body up so that he is able to peep at us over his cot rails. Dangerous skill!

- Instead of crying..he yulps eh..eh..ehhh to get our attention.

- His poop is no longer watery...but sticky and thick (kay..think that was an over share!)

I WAS feeling competent

2007-10-25T16:20:00.000+08:00

Last night, i felt like a very competent mother. As Eugene was busy with work, i had to take care of Zach till he fell asleep last night. He took my expressed milk from the bottle without any hitches...drank it without fussing, allowed me to change his nappy without fidgeting...allowed me to put him to sleep without much hassles and even gave me a huge grin before he fell asleep. I felt wonderfully accomplished and proud of myself as a mum.
BUT this morning...everything went wrong...he refused to drink his milk, was not interested in his rice cereal, and fussed and fussed before he succumbed to his tiredness. I felt out of sorts...

Rice cereal...yum yum

2007-10-24T15:49:00.000+08:00

We finally did it...fed Zach his first taste of food...other than breastmilk. It was after much deliberation...as he is not quite 6 months yet, but he seemed impatient to try something other than milk. I would say that it went well! He had a few apprehensive spoonfuls of the stuff (with quite a bit dribbling out) and seem willing to allow me to feed him somemore.
And now i guess...we start the world of solid food for him! Next on the menu...puree pear and peas! Yum yum...but sigh...that means more work for me!
With this new milestone, i realised that my little boy is growing up very quickly. Sometimes i am impatient for him to grow up quicker and to be more independent but there are times when i wish that it would all slow down. Although at the moment...i'm leaning towards wanting him to grow up quicker! But i thank God for supporting me through these few trying months...the ups and the downs...and i know there will be many more roller coasters to ride out. With God's grace...
My favourite moment with Zach....when i sneak up on him while he is in the cot,when he catches my face...the beaming smile that accompanies...my heart melts!

Sometimes

2007-10-18T17:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes its hard...i guess it boils down to a cumulation of factors...i'm tired, he is not feeding well, he is not napping well (although thank God that he seem to be sleeping well in the night), i feel abit aimless at times and generally i think my hormones are causing havoc. But in times like these, i remind myself of what God has blessed me with....and i feel a bit better. And of cos...chocolate always helps too.

He is 5 months now...

2007-10-10T08:57:00.000+08:00

My boy is growing up...he is 5 months today...thank God for helping us manage! As i pause and take stock of the months that have passed...i made these observations...

Things that have changed...
- He is able to flip and remain on his tummy without "complaining" too much.
- He is able now to sleep through the night. Fingers crossed that he will continue to do that.
- He can now put himself to sleep...after much tossing, turning, cooing, leg kicking, thumb sucking and flipping. But he still has his moments where he wants a cuddle before sleeping.
- He is more willing to sit on his rocker or pram while Eugene and i have meals. Although his patience does wear off after awhile. Working progress
- He doesn't wake up crying all the time...sometimes he is able to just coo and play on his own in his cot.
- He is able to yak alot! Making all sorts of sounds with his mouth.
- He loves his bath times now...kicking furiously. He used to HATE them and we use to HATE bathing him too!
- He is now able to go through the whole day in one body suit...he used to soil himself badly each morning.
- He is able to burp without spewing milk each time now.
- He is able to sit on his own...only about a few minutes before he topples over.
- He able to pacify himself with his thumb.
- He is able to feed more efficiently...thank God for that!!
- He is able to respond with coos and big smiles.
- He is able to laugh heartily
- He is more willing to be alone in his car seat while i drive....but depends on his moods at times.

Some things that have not changed...
- He still fusses when we have to moisturise him after his bath.
- He still arches his back when he doesn't like something.
- He is still not able to keep still for long!
- We still love him lots...maybe even more now....

My dear boy....

A good shopping spree

2007-10-09T17:18:00.000+08:00

Went for a quick shopping spree and am excited over what i bought...rice cereal (hoping to start Zachary on it...but am a bit unsure as he is only 5 months, for mothers who are reading this...what do you think? Think he is starting to get a bit bored with breastmilk.), new socks for Zach..those that don't come down and new plastic bibs! Gosh...how i have changed...in the past a good shopping spree would mean cheap tops and shoes for myself. Sigh...i need to get a Zachary-detox once in awhile!

I can...

2007-10-04T09:17:00.001+08:00

I can grunt, pull my ears and hair, struggle, poo and drink milk at the same time. Who am i? Zachary!

Hmm...what should i buy?

2007-10-04T08:46:00.000+08:00

We were supermarket shopping the other day and i was pushing his pram as well...when Zachary decided to take over from me! He really enjoyed pushing his own pram...as his legs were kicking excitedly and he kept cooing...can't wait till he can REALLY push his own pram...he is getting so heavy to carry!

I like to chew my lower lip

2007-10-04T08:40:00.000+08:00

Zachary has taken to chewing his lower lip! Must be itching gums due to prospective teeth...makes him look as if he is thinking very hard!

We are Hougangers

2007-10-02T09:12:00.000+08:00

We did it...after months of house hunting...we bought ourselves a flat! When we stepped into this particular unit...both of us had a good feeling about it and we were hooked. After haggling over the price...and a few dramas...we finally put in a deposit...and the wheels are set in motion for us to move in hopefully by next year. Zachary seems to like it too...well at least he didn't cry or fuss when we went to view the unit!
Hasn't really sunk in that we are home owners yet...FINALLY...able to drill holes wherever i want and to be able to paint walls in any colour..those who have rented will know what i mean! But i guess when we see a big hole in our savings...it will sink in! Will post some pictures of the place when i get some.

Grunting

2007-09-27T09:00:00.001+08:00

Zach has started trying out grunting as a new form of communication. It only started yesterday...and he kept grunting at every opportunity he had! Strange kid...he sounds like he has constipation!
Have been reading up a bit on weaning...and introduction of solids. I can't wait for the day Zach munches on his rice cereal...hopefully...
Shucks...he is crying again...have to cut this post short!

He found his thumb

2007-09-24T08:29:00.000+08:00

Yup...he was in his car seat, bored and cranky, when suddenly there was silence. I turned to gaze at him, and there he was with his thumb in his mouth and a very dazed expression. Ever since then, he has tried it again only once and gagged in the process!

The bumbo

2007-09-24T08:16:00.000+08:00

We found out about this wonderful invention from a friend and told ourselves that we have to try it out on Zach when he gets strong enough to hold his neck. We got this bumbo on ebay...and here is the result of it! Zach took to it like a duck to water but if he is not entertained while on the bumbo, he would start fussing and throwing himself backwards, trying to get himself out of the bumbo. If you are wondering what he is looking so intently at...its the TV...he has an absolute fascination with the TV...sigh BAD HABIT!

The journey so far...

2007-09-20T17:16:00.000+08:00

In a reflective mood today...and feeling somewhat confused? frustrated? lost? over my adjustment to motherhood. Hard to explain what i mean...but mothering really needs to grow on you, realised that it doesn't come naturally, and that mother-son bond does grow deeper with time. Don't expect a relationship to just happen it has to be cultivated.
I really enjoy his presence, every time he is not with me, i feel my mind wandering back to what he is doing. But there are days when i feel aimless and lost and not quite sure what a stay-at-home-mum means or needs to be doing. At times, i do feel restless, wanting to do things on my own. But those thoughts don't linger long, especially when Zachary's face lights up when he sees mine.

Calling a place home...

2007-09-13T16:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday we went to have a look at some potential flats around the Serangoon Central area (near Eugene's parents place), they were pretty good...but prices are way beyond our budget! This house hunting is definitely taking a very long time and HDB is no help either...sigh.
Oh when...oh when can we finally call a place home? Eugene and i have been nomads for the longest time...since we were married...feel like its about time we truely settled down and have a place of our own. I have never been able to drill a hole in the wall to hang up a picture! (Rented apartments in Sydney do not allow tenants to drill holes in walls) The boxes we shipped from Sydney are still left unopened...can't wait to open them and discover what's in them!
When??

For now...

2007-09-11T09:49:00.001+08:00

Sigh...tried to upload a photo but something wrong with the website! Snatching a few minutes while Zach sleeps. I realised that Zach turned 4 months yesterday...realising that brought back memories of the day we went into labour. Time flies...in a funny sort of way.
Am still adjusting to being a stay-at-home-mum (SAHM), people often ask me what i do at home the whole day? When i think of how to answer them...no solitary answer is able to sufficiently describe my day with Zach...some days are hard and long...but up till now i don't regret my decision to stay home and enjoy my son. I guess its a priviledge that i bestowed upon myself for now...

Being dunked!

2007-09-06T15:46:00.001+08:00

Yesterday while giving Zachary a bathe, he accidentally slipped out of our grip and dunked his head into the water. He was so shocked by the sudden gush of water into his mouth, he took some time to yell out in fright. I had never seen him that frightened since he first came out of me! We took some time to soothe him and felt so guilty for giving him such a fright. His vulnerability struck me and i never want to subject him to that again...poor boy. Inorder to do damage control...we put him back in his bathe and sang to him. He was very unhappy after that. I hope we have not spoilt his bath times for him, he really likes to be in the bath tub, kicking to his heart's content!

The world looks different from here!

2007-09-04T08:18:00.001+08:00

He has found a new perspective of looking at things! Initially when we rolled him onto his tummy, he hated it...but now he seems to like it more and more. But it also depends on his moods...when he is cranky or tired, he would just put his head down, cry or complain alot!
Its amazing how the months are flying by...a few more days and he would be a 4 month old. Indeed God has been very gracious to bring us through these few months.

Nursing strike

2007-08-23T13:02:00.000+08:00

Zachary has taken it upon himself to make breastfeeding EXTRA trying for the both of us! These few days have been very trying...when it comes to breastfeeding Zachary. He sucks eagerly for about 10 minutes then pulls away from the breast, cries and refuses to feed again. No matter how much i coax him to feed again...he refuses, even when i try using the bottle. WHY?? Just when i thought that he is getting gradually easier to handle, this comes along...sigh. Going to see the pediatrician tommorrow for some help...sigh. Maybe i should go on a mothering strike!

3 months and counting

2007-08-21T08:17:00.000+08:00

I have actually meant to jot down some thoughts of Zachary turning 3 months...but haven't had the energy or spare time....so now Zachary is 3 and a half months...i thought i better get those thoughts down before i have new thoughts to share.
I still remember struggling with him during the first month and everybody told me that don't worry things will get a lot better in a few months time...more specifically in 3 months. So i was so looking forward to that magical 3 months where Zachary will suddenly turn into a big boy and everything will click! It has kind of happened but not in a sudden kind of way, more like very gradually...there are still moments with him when he forgets that he is actually a 3 month old and behaves like a 1 month old!! But the biggest milestone is probably that he is able to sleep for alot longer during the night! Thank God for that...
But one thing is for sure...i am growing deeper in love with him...each day...